lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize