Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize