ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
