It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
