Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize