you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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