I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize