I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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