I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
