And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
