Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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