my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
