Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
