can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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