Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize