You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
