Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
