I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
