id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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