His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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