It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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