I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize