If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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