Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's blow job season.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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