Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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