Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
