why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
