a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You were trust falling into bushes
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
