hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize