i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
