My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
