im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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