There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
