Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
