After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Couch. On fire.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize