Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
