so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
