I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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