My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
