In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
