It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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