And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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