I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
