At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
