My balls are so social today.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
