Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
