I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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