i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
