Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize