and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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