Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
