I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
