i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize