dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
