Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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