I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
