Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
