i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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