She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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