I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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