im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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