thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
