Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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