Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
