I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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