WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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