i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
