somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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